Finally, the air is turning cooler. My belly has grown more and I did not think it possible, even though this is my second time expecting a fall baby. Once September hit, we entered my favorite time of the year. My fall decorations come out and I’ve already been budgeting and buying for all my family’s fall birthdays and thinking about Christmas. Adding another baby to my little family has just caused even more excitement for me this year.
There are so many things to look forward to coming up in this last quarter of the year. I’m doing my best to focus on them and rest in the joy of these blessings God has given us. We recently had a great Sunday school lesson that reminded us to praise God in all circumstances, and that only good things come from Him. If it is not good, then it is not from Him. Because even in the midst of the wonderful fall air and my favorite time of year fast approaching, there is sadness and grief mixed in.
When we first welcomed our son, it never crossed my mind that one of the hardest things watching my baby grow up is missing someone who should be here to also witness handprints grow, his voice developing, and see all the things he loves to do. While I have been very blessed to have good pregnancies, this time around I know what my mawmaw will be missing out on. She won’t even get to meet or hold this next baby.
My grief for her was wrapped up in so much of my firstborn’s milestones, and I feel guilty for it tainting some wonderful memories. We did our best to celebrate everything and soak it all in, and I did my best to separate the sadness from the joy. I miss Mawmaw now more than ever as my baby turned another year older, and the birth of my second born is not far behind it. In the past couple of years there have been many times I longed to sit on her back porch swing and chat.
On top of always missing her, there are other circumstances looming that could bring a similar situation this coming fall/winter. I’m doing my best to not dwell on the possibilities we may be facing in the coming months, or wondering when they might happen in the midst of all the great and exciting events. Whichever way these next few months go, we are continuing to pray for God’s guidance and protection over each upcoming situation.
This year I’ve attended far too many funerals. I know as I get older, the quantity only increases. We have said goodbye to several saints in my church and also an employee at work. There are even more in my little world that are sick and hurting, and the outcomes of those situations do not appear hopeful. When looking at the prayer list, it all feels so heavy, and the only hope we have is to look to Jesus who restores our souls and lifts our burdens.
With the season changing and all that has been going on lately, I was reminded of Ecclesiastes.
“For everything there is a season, and time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak up; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Just like the seasons, people and the relationships we have with them also come and go. Some stay for a long season, and others for shorter periods. Some go away and then also come back. Some of us are given our entire childhoods and into early adulthood with our grandparents, but some do not. Some get their parents for most of their lives, while others do not. Some have a best friend from birth to death, and some have best friends for certain seasons. I believe God provides in every season, and often that is in the form of another one of His children. I’m grateful for the time I have been given with those I love, and I appreciate the ones who love me who have shown up during some pretty dark seasons. It might have been a text, or physically showing up to my house or an event.
I was able to have my mawmaw for 27 years. I’ve had my husband in my life for almost nine years now (but if you ask him, he’ll just say we’ve been married for 5 years. Somehow he forgets the years we dated prior to being married). I’ve had some friends for only a few years, and some for a few months. We never know how long we have with someone, and every relationship is a season. Your season could end with someone and they still be drawing breath on earth. Sometimes it ends because they do not. Only God knows the length of the seasons we will experience with individuals.
I love to plan and know what is ahead. I might dabble in spontaneity from time to time, but I do appreciate my trusty routine. When things seem uncertain, or circumstances are up in the air, or life feels on hold, the passage above from the wise king Solomon, reminds me God is our rock and He always knows what comes next. It also provides comfort knowing it is normal not to stay in one place forever, especially if not a desirable one. God is never surprised by a sudden change and remains faithful to us. Sometimes we need to weep, and sometimes we need to laugh. Praise God that no matter what the season is, He is there. He is there in our grief, and He is also there during our celebrations. I also know far too well, sometimes those seasons overlap and it’s difficult to separate one occasion from the other. Our steadfast heavenly Father is there to hold my tears while I also smile.
Despite the uncertainty of what comes next, I still look forward to this fall season and whatever comes with it.
