Predictable? Don’t Know Her

Have you ever received a gift out of the blue? One you didn’t see coming nor asked for? A good surprise you never would have thought of yourself, but it ended up being the exact thing you needed.

Well, God gave me a beautiful gift the other morning. But first, let me back up and explain.

Since I became a mom, my predictable routine has been tossed out of the window. My type A, loves to know what is coming next, and having all things planned out and every contingency thought of self had to adjust when our beautiful son entered this world. My schedule and priorities shifted, as they should. Even though I craved a normal routine at times, I really didn’t mind so much because God reminded me over and over what a blessing it is to be a mother.

However, I used to have a specific time carved out to workout, do my devotion, write, read, craft, and all of the other things I loved to do and/or needed in my life. I’m not saying I haven’t been able to still do those things, but my regular schedule of them, and the motivation, has been sorely lacking.

I knew during the infant days it would be extremelly hard, but thought yeah, one day, he will eventually get to a schedule. A resemblance of a schedule would appear and my husband and I figured out a time for me to get workouts in once I was past the breastfeeding stage. Then I got pregnant again, summer came, vacations and other things popped up, and my workout schedule vanished.

Before motherhood, I had a set time to do my devotion. Then the time during my break at work got cut out because I went down to 4 days instead of 5 to be with my son. I did the best I could trying to fit it in, but often I felt like I was being yanked in so many directions, it was difficult to think about what I needed beyond sleep, a shower, and food when a moment did present itself.

I’m a creature of habit, and when my routine is thrown off it is so easy to let the things I built into my daily life slip away and I enter survival mode. Until I found a new way to incorporate my Bible reading, exercise, hobbies, and anything else I enjoyed, those things were just done sporadically at best.

My son of course did develop a schedule, but if you’ve ever been a parent or caregiver, you know that schedule can change and shift with any new developmental milestone. The two naps a day goes down to only one, or the three meals a day increases with endless snacks in between. Our job is to adjust and find a new normal to meet his needs. So the toddler stage still throws us for a loop at times. I can make all the plans I want to sit down and write at a certain time, but then a new molar might be coming in, or the house is a disaster, or my energy is so depleted from either work, household management, pregnancy, being needed, that I don’t even feel like opening my laptop. Or worse yet, I can’t think of a single thing to write about, so I don’t force it.

And I’m a checklist person. I like to keep a weekly track of how many workouts, devotion sessions, writing times, reading, and whatever else I’m able to accomplish. It used to bother me when those were left blank and I went back to analyze how the past month went for my individual progress. Now, I’ve learned to give myself grace, appreciate the moments when those things do happen, and stay in constant conversation with God.

He knows my struggles and he knows my love for a predictable routine. I used to love working out in the afternoons when I got home from work. I did it first thing because I knew if I started in on something else, that it wouldn’t happen. Well, I no longer have enough energy to do that anymore. It also is hard to predict when to get up in the mornings before my child to get in a habit of switching to that too. The idea of starting a workout and not being able to finish left me more frustrated than not being able to do it at all. I also really prefer to sleep in the mornings. I can get up if I have to, but it just isn’t what I love to do, or really best for my body at this stage either.

However, one recent morning, I woke up not long after my husband left for his early morning jiu jitsu class (yes, he loves to wake up before the sun like a crazy person). I just couldn’t go back to sleep, and for once I woke up not feeling super stiff or exhausted like I usually am. My son woke up but I was able to get him back in his bed pretty quickly and he fell back asleep instantly, which does not always happen. Since I was pretty wide awake, I just decided to get my day started.

That gift of a morning my brain was clear and I could focus. A blog idea took shape, and after I was able to do a prenatal stretch (not a typical workout like I used to do, but I got to move my body and it felt great), a devotion, I got my laptop out and was able to outline the whole thing and write the majority of it before my son woke up. Sometimes he wakes up really early and is ready to play, and then some days, like today, he sleeps longer and I’m able to get up and get some things done.

Am I now a morning person? No. But I am thankful for that unpredictable gift God delivered. I woke up feeling more connected to Him, my body, and my words came easily. I’m not in a season where this will be my normal routine. And I’ve learned to be okay with that. One day my kids won’t need me as much, and they can make their own breakfast. One day I’ll have to be begging them to get up because they stayed up too late the night before. I’ll get a routine back that looked like the pre-motherhood days before, but for now, I’m not wishing for it any time soon. I will take the gifts like my recent rare morning when I can get them, keep looking for them to pop up when they are scarce, but never for a moment regret the time I have now when my kids are still small and need me to hold them.

Thank you Lord for this life, and the unpredictablity of it. I still enjoy a schedule and knowing what comes next, but I’m thankful for the lesson to also go with whatever comes and to find the calm and peace that is You when our day to day gets shaken up.

Below are a few verses from His Word that just went perfectly with my morning, and I pray they bless and speak to you as they did for me.

Psalm 118:24 says “This is the day that Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Philippians 4:6 says “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.“

Psalm 46:5 says “God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.“