Perhaps This Is The Moment

I got the question on my first week back to school. I’ve been getting the question for a while now, and I anticipate it to keep coming for maybe the rest of my life.

“What’s your plan?”

In Senior Portfolio, instead of introducing ourselves, we were asked to give everyone an idea of what we would like to do post-graduation. Most people mentioned grad school or their wish to write the next great best-selling novel. When it came my turn, I mentioned an area I was interested in and even mentioned a back-up plan for that.

But to be honest? On the inside I was sweating. I have loved books since I was seven. I have been writing ever since I was a little girl. But beyond that? What do I want to do? That question still freaks me out, and the more I tentatively answer it, the more unsure I am of what to do once I graduate.

See, I’m a planner. I love to plan and I love to know the plan. The catch is that sometimes God doesn’t always allow me to see the plan He has for me ahead of time, or when I want to see it. It probably has something to do with my level of patience (still working on that), my control issues, or that it just isn’t time yet for me to know.

I have an idea of what I want to do, and I even have a few different back-up paths I could take. The issue is that sometimes what I want or what I think I want, is not what I am created for. God creates us with certain gifts, and He wants us to use those gifts to glorify Him. Until we are given the next step of the plan, we CAN continue to pray and ask God for guidance to show us the proper path. We may have to go down a few roads until we find the one meant for us.

The book of Esther has one of my all-time favorite scriptures, and it hangs above my mirror in my room at school.

Esther 4:14 reads “For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”

The scripture on my wall focuses on the last part of that verse, but in a more familiar phrase: “Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”

God created me for a purpose, and I will trust Him to reveal that moment to me when the time comes. Esther saved her people. I may not be a hero like her, but there is no doubt in my mind that I will have to be brave like she was when God calls me to the right position.

I already have to use bravery to just write a sentence to share with all of you. Sometimes I struggle to find the words, but when a moment of inspiration strikes, God doesn’t normally let me focus on much else until I can crank something out in writing.

My heart may still flutter each time someone asks “so, what’s your plan?” My anxiety may squeeze my heart a little. I’ll continue to give my “for-now” answers until God shows me a different path, because it’s not my will, but His.

Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

Sometimes we think we have it all figured out, or think we can do it all and have it all. Well, Proverbs tells us right there that we simply CANNOT lean on our own understanding. Sometimes it is not for us to understand, as much as it pains us since we are so naturally curious.

God gives us gifts for His plan, and He gives us lessons for when we decide to go our own way. To help you remember, I’ll leave you with this little poem I wrote while you wait for your “perhaps this is moment.”

God’s Lessons

My anger bubbles

frustration baffles

and I bellow

“I can’t do everything”

I am answered,

“Exactly, so lean on me.”