Saying Goodbye

I debated on writing this in the first place, but as I kept thinking about what to write for this month, my mind kept going back to this moment and how things have been since then.

It’s never easy to lose a part of your family. I’m fully aware that animals are not humans, and we were given dominion over them (Genesis 1:26). Losing a human relative is extremely painful and may not rank as high when a beloved pet is lost, but I think we can all agree, especially if you ever lost a pet, that both hurt regardless.

I’ve lost pets before, but the ones I’ve already said goodbye to were family pets for the most part. This latest one was all mine. And I know those who also knew her were sad to see her go and they were upset for me too. My cat, Whisper, was my responsibility and she had been my shadow since I picked her out when I was in the second grade. She lived to be eighteen and died last month.

Now while I could make this post all about Whisper and tell you wonderful, funny stories, I’m not going to do that. Whisper didn’t like most people or other animals. She liked me and tolerated a few other humans, so I don’t feel the need to share my memory of her with others on the internet. All I will say is that my house feels like something is missing, and getting used to one less companion has not been fun in the slightest.

Instead of dwelling on what I no longer have, I wanted to highlight and be thankful for what I witnessed and realized in the aftermath of her passing.

When misfortune, grief, or something painful would happen in the past, I was very good at lashing out at others and/or bottling up everything and shutting down completely. I clung to those negative emotions as long as I could and would not let anyone else in.

Through healing, leaning on God, and learning how to express my emotions in a healthier way over time, I noticed this time I shared what I was feeling more openly, cried when I needed to, and was able to face things better than I have before. I also was able to look beyond myself and witness a huge blessing.

My husband is not a cat person. He has never cared for them much, and he and Whisper certainly did not always get along. They tolerated one another and that was about it. When she had to start a daily medication right after we got married, I was the main person to give it to her. However, when I was gone for a night or two, Daniel would step up and give her the pill. For a long time, she was known to spit it out, strike out a claw, or run and hide when it came time for her medication. He did what he had to do, but I definitely noticed claw marks on his legs when I came back home.

While I believe cats are more low maintenance than dogs, he disagrees simply because of the litter box. And of course, the litter box became his responsibility the moment we found out I was pregnant. He certainly made yuck noises when cleaning it out, but he never complained to me about his having to do it. He would ask if it was too late to train her on how to use a toilet though.

Whisper and Daniel were never the best of friends, but he would give her a pet when their paths crossed. He kept the dogs away from her so she could have her peace and quiet. When she would get sick and we thought we might lose her, he’d take off work and go with me to the vet.

And when I was the one to discover her last month, he went in the room and checked for me so I didn’t have to. He wrapped her up gingerly in a towel, and held me while I cried. Because it was late, we couldn’t bury her that night so it had to wait until the next morning. I slept horrible and couldn’t leave the house knowing she was still laying there in her towel. He came immediately when I called, carried her, and went to bury her right then and there. Not once did he ever tell me to get over it, or invalidate how I was feeling. Instead, he listened when I needed to talk about it. Hugged me when I couldn’t talk. And he jumped into action after working all day and came home to find me and my mom trying to clean out her stuff.

Of course, I miss my cat still, but I no longer cry when I enter the sunroom or sit on the couch she loved to lounge on. But I still tear up when I think about how wonderful Daniel handled everything those few weeks for me.

You can think you know someone after spending a certain amount together, but you never know how someone will react in a crisis, tragedy, the celebrations, surprises and curveballs, or the really rough parts of life until you experience it together. It matters who you marry. It’s not about how you feel about them at one time, or how much you like about them. Before getting married, you must think about how they would react in stressful situations, hardship, grief, and all of the hard moments in between the joyful ones.

My husband is not a perfect man by any means. He sometimes jokes too much when he should probably be serious. Sometimes he gets wrapped up in his own projects and forgets the world around him. He is definitely known for not saying things the correct way or as nicely as he could sometimes. Nevertheless, in all the things that truly matter, he loves God, he is faithful, and he shows up in the moments of need in the best way possible. He will say he doesn’t always have the right thing to say, but somehow his presence alone just calms my heart in a way only he can. His reactions to all the big and small things in life remind me over and over that I made the right choice in saying yes to him for that first date all those years ago.

Last month reminded me how blessed I am that God gave me this man to spend my life with, and that throughout the hard parts of life, God provided a way for us to get through them.