Woooooooo. It’s been a minute. I’m afraid this is a short update as life has been quite busy, and quite the rollercoaster. About every person I have talked to has been dealing with something or has been overwhelmed with a multitude of things going on.
I’m so exhausted most days that I almost dread social interaction with my friends during my free time, which isn’t much, on the weekends. I try to be the host on those occasions, which I always regret the day of, because then I need to clean my house. After we added another animal to our family, my house remains a permanent wreck. It’s greaaaaat. My free time is also filled with house chores, so not much time for me to actually sit down and relax. Work has been a constant drain the past two years, and since Easter, I have been consumed with wrapping up the end-of-year tasks.
This past Friday was my official last day at my first job since I graduated from university. I wasn’t sure how I would feel, but bittersweet was not one of them. I thought I would be jumping for joy because the decision to take a step back was a long time coming. While I am excited for the next thing God planned for me, I was sad to say goodbye in the meantime to my co-workers and students. My “kids” are the ones who made it very difficult to walk away from, but as I kept reminding them, I couldn’t be the person they needed me to be while being their English teacher.
My cup has been bone dry for a while, and I had nothing else to give. I was on the phone with my best friend the other day, and we were catching up on the chaos rollercoaster in both of our lives. I relayed some stuff I have been holding out on telling her. I delayed because I didn’t want to keep taking from my friends. I felt like I had been calling on them too much.
As the control freak I am, I wanted to be able to handle everything, but God has shown me especially in the past year, that I am not in control. My friend quickly told me to stop my mess and reminded me that we take turns of the giving and taking, helping to fill up the other’s energy levels when the other is running low.
Of course she was right. I don’t accept help very much sometimes.
It also was not a coincidence that several weeks later, I heard a song in Chapel that reminded me of where we get our soul fuel: Jesus. Only He can replenish and give us what we truly need. He also places people and moments in our lives to help remind us of that very fact. Like my friends and family. Like my job that I have had a love/hate relationship with the past two years.
Fill My Cup, Lord.
When I had been struggling to make the decision before the end of the first semester about whether I would be returning as the high school English teacher or not, God was not delivering a clear, concise answer (to my overanalyzing brain). All I could see were the little things that were boiling up the past two years. Then, on the way home to start Christmas break, I realized all those little things that were boiling up, emptying my cup, was God giving me the answer I had been so desperately praying for during this trial. Once my husband and I made the decision, I instantly started feeling filled up again and drew closer to God. I no longer felt the consuming dread each Sunday morning. My heart rejoiced at the thought of serving again at church and in the community.
Thank you, God, for giving me the answer to a fork in the road of my life. Thank you for filling these past two years with purpose, lessons, and growth for wherever You lead me next. Thank you for a husband and family who held me as I cried, helped me reach the finish line, and prayed for me each day.
One of the biggest lessons/reminders I have been given in the latest season of life is that God is faithful. He is good, and that even during the valley, He is always there. Proverbs 3:5-6, my favorite verse, continued to revisit me throughout this past school year and it reminds me that it is not my own understanding that I should rely on, but to trust in God with all my heart and soul because He will guide my path. I might just have to slow down, stop sighing, and quit crying so loud in order to hear His voice.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6