Speak

      Wind your clocks back ten years ago and imagine a timid ten-year-old girl.  One who was terrified of walking to the concession stand alone, or calling someone on the phone.  A girl that hid behind her mom in crowds, or kept her eyes down to avoid eye contact with anyone.  Flash forward a few years and that girl would travel to Europe without her parents.  The year after that, she would stand up and give the message for a youth Sunday at church.  Where did that shy girl go?

     I wrote the poem, Mirror, Mirror, for a college scholarship.  It didn’t win, but it has held a special place in my heart because it was the first time I looked at my transformation.  The poem inspired the title of this site.  Never in a million years would I have thought I would be writing poems, articles or blog posts that anyone in the world could see.  It’s not something that little girl would have wanted. 

     When I left the country for the first time, my eyes were opened.  I started to break out of my shell and God started speaking to me.  He would not let me sleep one night and kept telling me that I need to speak up more.  Before I knew it, I was preparing a presentation in my head to show my church all the places I saw, especially the places where the apostle Paul walked and preached. 

     I may have gained a voice, and was able to speak in front of crowds, but when it came to displaying my thoughts in writing, I crawled back in my shell.  During my senior year of high school, my last assignment was to write a mini book on myself.  The thought terrified me, but I learned some interesting things about myself.  I was comfortable with writing the book because I knew my teacher was the only one who would see it.  When it came to my writing, which is my art, I was horrified at anyone else seeing it.  I was not prepared for the critique and criticism of my writing.  It was still too fragile for the scrutiny.  I was not ready, and that little, shy girl whispered, “please don’t do it.”   

     I’m not sure where the surge of confidence came from, but last December I applied to write for the Odyssey within the High Point University chapter.  My nerves were rattled when I submitted my first post, but it didn’t take long before people started noticing my articles.  The support I received from my friends and family made me realize that my dream of becoming a writer one day could be attained.  Knowing that at least one person enjoys my writing provided me with thick skin for the day that one person claims that my writing is trash. 

     However, when no one is on my side and I feel the world is against me, I look to the one person who has never left my side.  Deuteronomy 31: 6 says, “Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you.”  Whenever I feel weak and small like I did as a young girl, God lifts me up and reminds me that I am not alone.  He gives me the strength and confidence to carry on with my dream and to show others His love through my writing.     

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Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who will I be when I am big and tall?

Will I be a doctor, a singer, a lawyer, a princess?

All I can see is a shy young girl; a beautiful mess.

 I dream of who I will grow up to be.

But I don’t want to grow up and leave.

Will I speak up?

Will my voice be louder than a hiccup?

Will I break free of my shell?

What if I grow up only to fail?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Who will I be when I am big and tall?

Mama says I am unique.

Daddy says I am distinct.

Teachers say I can be anything I want to be.

They all say I am free to choose to be me.

 

Now I’m not so little anymore

Expressing myself is no longer a dreaded chore

While growing up, I found my voice.

I realized that I do have a choice.

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

I am no longer shy and small.

Soon I will leave my sweet, safe home.

Outside there is a huge universe to roam.

I am a dreamer and a schemer.

But what sets me apart is that I am a believer.

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

I am no longer shy and small.

Along the way, I found myself

Despite the curveballs this crazy life dealt.

It is almost time to leave the nest.

I am ready to fly and try my best.

 

Mirror, mirror on the wall,

Do you recognize me at all?

I am all grown up, but it’s still me.

Inside is the little girl you used to see.

Now I am older with bigger dreams.

I am prepared to join the adult team.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

 

2 thoughts on “Speak”

  1. Raegan, your writing is wonderful! It has such a natural and relatable quality. I love that our trip has blossomed into something so much bigger than just a first trip on your own. Thankfully, God’s sees so much more in us than we ever think is possible!

    Like

  2. I loved the shy little girl and I love the beautiful young woman. It’s a wonderful privilege to see all the transformations that have taken place in your life. I am incredibly proud of you and looking forward to the rest if the journey.

    Like

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