I love Christmas. As a kid, it was the most wonderful time of the year for me from October to December. As an adult it is still wonderful, magical, and exciting. I have a few more emotions thrown in there as I have gotten older, but overall still wonderful.
I remember when I found out there was not a Santa Claus. I know there is an online debate for Christian parents whether to celebrate Christmas with Santa or without. The without argument states that it might cause their kids to question about Jesus’ existence once they find out the truth. Well, I grew up in a Christian household. When I found out Santa was not real, I was so sad and devastated. Not that my parents “lied” to me, but that the magical part of my childhood was over. I never conflated magic/Santa with belief in Jesus as a kid. Jesus was on a whole different level than mythical characters like Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc. My parents guided those types of conversations when I did believe that a red man in a suit brought me Christmas presents. Christmas was never about presents, Santa, or anything else except Jesus’ birth. That was the center of our celebration.
All the other stuff was just extras. It was something to add to the fun. I don’t even remember the exact age I was when I stopped believing, but I remember a conversation with my mawmaw when I did find out. I had told her I was so sad and that Christmas won’t ever be the same, but she told me that I could still believe in Santa. I may know the truth, but I can still believe in the magic, the wonder, and excitement that millions of kids across the world believe in every Christmas season. I can believe in the magic of gift giving to others. She loved picking out gifts, and I get excited over picking out things for people too.
I knew as a kid I did not deserve any of the presents I got from my family. I knew I was not perfect and messed up quite a bit, and no amount of good behavior was going to earn me any pile of presents. Much like how there is nothing I can do to wipe away all my sinful wrongdoings that turn me away from God. My family used the popular tradition of Santa Claus and giving each other presents as a lesson to what Jesus did for us on the cross.
Mawmaw, along with my parents, told me that the greatest gift we ever will receive is Christ’s salvation. We did nothing to deserve it and it was freely given to us. All we have to do is accept it.
The reason we are able to love one another, to give presents, our time, or to do anything is because God first loved us. It is all because we are part of God’s created world and everything we are and have is owed to Him. We use the spirit of Santa Claus to point back to the true meaning of Christmas– Jesus.
We haven’t figured out all the particulars to how we will go about Santa as our child grows older, but we are leaning towards acknowledging Santa without making him the main focus about Christmas. My husband and I will have the joy to play Santa Claus in our household, and reiterate the message to give to others as Christ gave to us. God gave the world hope for reconciliation by sending his Son as a tiny baby to the world to pay the price for ours sins.
In addition to rereading Luke 2 every year, I’ve also been a sucker for classic Christmas stories too. The movie and book, The Polar Express, has always had a special place in my heart. Struggling with belief and the magic of Christmas reminds me of those years between childhood and teenage years, trying to wrestle with growing up and no longer experiencing Christmas the way I knew. It also very much reminded me of what Mawmaw told me about her believing in Santa in her heart even as an adult. It wasn’t until I was much older that I understood what she really meant. She believed in giving to others, not necessarily a fat man coming down the chimney.
So, this year with my boy toddling around, able to actually open presents and get amazed at Christmas decoration and lights, and who just happens to like trains/ cars/ anything with wheels, I knew I wanted to take him to go experience The Polar Express ride.
Now, my husband thought I was a little crazy since he is too little to remember it. I try to remind Daniel that he and I can carry the memories for our baby boy. It’s not just his childhood, but our parenthood too. No need to wait to make memories, especially when our boy is free as a lap infant. The way I saw it, my ticket wasn’t going to be free if I went this year or in ten years, so what did it matter? My good natured husband of course went along with us, even if there was some grumbling leading up to going. The tickets were not cheap, and I worried the price may not amount up to the experience, but I was pleasantly surprised and thoroughly enjoyed it all! I definitely would like to go back in the future and do it all over again, just maybe not every year.
My one year old did not know the story very well yet, but I loved watching his face look out the train window, nibble on his cookie, and giggle as he shook the bell Santa gave him towards the end of the ride. He laughed and laughed, and my heart might have just melted.
He was not big on seeing Santa this year, but no tears! I loved that the NC transportation museum had a beautiful spot for kids to go and see Santa while they waited for the train ride. They also had stations to write letters to Santa, make ornaments, and an old car they could climb on and pretend to drive. The car was my son’s favorite probably. He almost leaped from our arms trying to jump in the driver seat.
Our experience had some ups and downs, such as it began drizzling while we waited in line to get on the train, and if it weren’t for the steady, pesky drops we may have stayed longer and enjoyed the food trucks, smore pit station, and other activities. It also was fairly cold the day we went. But we picked the perfect time where we started it all under daylight, and by the time we got off the train it was dark and the Christmas lights were all lit up around the transportation museum.
The entire time we were there I was so happy and excited to take it all in, and yet I kept feeling tears well up in my eyes. I felt this overwhelming sadness thinking about my mawmaw and how much I missed her. I was such in shock last year and just going through the motions. This year is hitting so much harder with the reality of her being gone and not here to witness, I’d argue, her favorite time of year. If it wasn’t her favorite, I would be shocked, because she sure made us feel like it was as children. I kept thinking during the train ride, as we walked around looking at lights, just how much she would have loved going to something like that. The Polar Express makes me think of her and how she would sprinkle Christmas with some magic.
This is a most wonderful time of year, and it also is a terribly lonely time of year for many, and sometimes it is bittersweet mixture for both. I’m doing my best to acknowledge the bitter and hard feelings while striving to embrace and live fully in the sweet and beautiful moments throughout this December.
I pray you all place Jesus first in your homes always, but especially this December. Without God, we would have nothing, and certainly nothing to celebrate with true joy in our hearts. I also pray for the hearts that ache extra this time of year, and the ones whose hearts are bursting at the seams with happiness. I pray for safety and protection over your families, and rest and peace during these upcoming busy weeks. Above all, I pray you know and believe, or will soon to come believe in the following verse.
For God so loved the world, that he gave us his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
-John 3:16
Mirror, Mirror 