My heart has been cracked open, and not in the good way. Lately, my life feels stuck inside a pressure cooker and I’m ready to blow at any moment. I’m not even including the miserable outside temperatures in these scenarios either.
I certainly don’t mind summer, but with no break or vacation in sight, and all our plans falling through this year, the heat lately is definitely not been on the positive side of my list. My family has been running through some pretty low valleys for over a year now. We have gotten glimpses of hills and beauty, but mostly we have been going through it.
And just like with anything, you get tired after running the race for a while. The second wind has come and vanished, and everything aches now. It’s hard not to be angry. It’s really difficult not to just burst into tears at any given moment.
But God. He knew everything that would happen before we could even imagine. He knew what to give me to keep me going. God knows my heart so well. He knows I love Him and continue to praise Him throughout all these trials. He knows I know He is good all the time and that I believe He does not send things to harm me. Nothing bad comes from Him.
My little boy is a gift from God. That little face lights up when I walk in the door and no matter what is going on and how heavy my world feels, holding my son quiets the noise. God never promised our lives would be easy, but He did promise He would never leave us nor forsake us. Often, I do ask why all this is happening to us. I don’t really expect an answer or a reason or a justification. During prayer and the silent moments at night when my head is spinning, I share my frustration, my anger, and my broken pieces. Then I thank Him for all I do have, and especially for that little boy who keeps me going.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31: 6
One afternoon I decided to go sit on the porch with Declan, even though it was sweltering. He had been cooped up inside for several days due to it being so hot outside; so even if it was just for a few minutes, we were going to brave the heat and try to enjoy it.
I got the Stitch bubble machine out that Declan is completely mesmerized with and turned on the bubbles. Anything from Lilo and Stitch brings me comfort, and I’m happy my son seems to like the cartoon character too. I already felt the sweat droplets accumulating on my back, but nothing could distract me from watching that little boy stare at the bubbles in complete amazement. I snapped a quick picture so I can freeze that memory and feeling forever, and decided to share it along with this post. I stared at my son the same way he stared at those bubbles: with love, contentment, and hope.
Even when my world is crumbling and falling apart, there is Jesus. God’s love and mercy for us through His son Jesus on the cross is our eternal hope. Although I know this and believe in Jesus, there are moments when I allow this life to bring me down and take my eyes off of heaven. BUT GOD. He sends us daily reminders of His love for us. He reminds us with Jesus, we always have hope. Just as God sent His son Jesus for us as an example to how we should live our lives and the ultimate sacrifice for our sin, I truly believe he sent my son to shine light on my darkest days and moments.
Declan reminds me there is always joy when the lights are dim in life. His laugh reminds me to laugh and breathe during the hottest, sticky, and most miserable moments in life (and summer). On that porch that hot sizzling day, Declan and I were wrapped in a bubble of peace and joy looking at the bubbles floating up to the sky. The same place I look up to when I praise God for all the beautiful things He has given us. All good things come from Him.
Thank you God for sending the bubbles as I’m trying to dig out from this valley that feels endless. You reminded me to look up and continue to seek you. You are the light in the darkness. You guide my way and give me something to hope for and look towards.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17
Mirror, Mirror 