My family and I have been largely distracted this November and a good bit of December. My heart is certainly broken and my world does not seem as bright as it used to because my grandmother, “Mawmaw,” went home to be with Jesus on the morning of Saturday December 7, 2024. She was in the hospital for most of November before she passed away, but she had been sick for a long time before then. We rejoice and praise God she no longer is suffering and that her body is made new in Heaven. I’m just going to cry selfishly for myself for a while.
I tried writing in November, but I think subconsciously I just couldn’t bring myself to complete anything knowing she wouldn’t be able to read it. My words and thoughts just disintegrated on the page, and it was just a jumbled, rambling mess of sentences. Mawmaw read every single one of my blog posts, but after she went into the hospital, I knew she wouldn’t be in any state to read anything else I would have written last month. So, I held my baby a little tighter as we rocked, and I thought back on all the beautiful memories she and I shared over my twenty-seven years of life.
Mawmaw was pure magic. I don’t know a better word to describe her than that. She brought life to family gatherings and her smile was so contagious. When I was born, she called me her sunshine and sang “You Are My Sunshine” to me often, especially on every sick day I spent at her house eating mashed potatoes. When my brother came along, he was her moon. But as I got older, I quickly realized that I was not the sun. She was. Her warmth and light is what we all gravitated towards, and now my life is colder and dressed in shadows with her no longer here with us.
I learned how to cook scrambled eggs in her kitchen. She helped me with my homework every day after school while my parents were at work. I hated to read until the second grade, but she tried to make reading fun by encouraging us to read each page out loud in a different accent just to make it through my homework. Once I fell in love with reading after my first Nancy Drew book, Mawmaw took me to the library often as I gobbled up summer reading programs. We spent hours there, and even as I got older I still would tell her about what I was currently reading. She loved to read too and gave me many of her books.
Mawmaw would dazzle us with stories of my dad when he was little. We begged for more and more just to hear her tell them. We would swing with her on her back porch, which she called her little office where she could overlook the pond. I have rolled around on her living room floor with all the dogs she has had over the years. She (and my pawpaw) just loved dogs so much. In addition to the husband, son, daughter-in-law, two grandchildren, a grandson-in-law, a future daughter-in-law, sister-like cousin, and great-grandson, Mawmaw left behind her beloved Buttons, a yorkie poo. Fortunately, Buttons gets along great with my pawpaw’s boxer dog, Buddy, and both dogs are in good hands with him.
At Christmas, she often would play pranks on me and my brother. Well, we kind of asked for it by shaking the presents under her tree. One year she swapped the names on all the presents, so I was opening up ninja turtles and legos while he got my barbies and nail polish. She loved to buy presents, and she would find some wacky and unique stuff to make us smile. My husband received jalapeno wrapped bacon in his stocking one time because she knew he liked spicy things. We all have received some wild things over the years, just to make us laugh.
We spent many Sunday lunches at Mawmaw and Pawpaw’s house after church. The kitchen was always chaotic before we sat down to eat, but she always had a smile when I walked in the door as she danced around pots and pans trying to get everything ready.
I also ran away to her house often as a young child. I always got sent back though when she discovered I did not let my parents know I was headed next door. I got away with much but there was also very little she didn’t know about that I did.
I told her lots of my secrets. She told me how much she loved my mom and how wonderful she is, which I already knew. I never realized how it wasn’t super common for in-laws to get along so well, but my mawmaw always treated my mom like her own daughter. I got very blessed to have a mother-in-law who reminds me so much of how my mawmaw treated my mom.
I also can’t forget to share her love for the mountains. Oh, the mountains. Their little house up there is so special to all of us. The memories it holds makes it so, and I spent so many weekends up there with her and Pawpaw, going on adventures to gem mine, the park, and getting snowed in. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I go up there next because she is just everywhere. I look around my house now and so many things remind me of her.
She bought the cutest outfit for my son- a little orange shirt and lion printed overalls with matching sandals. But it is size 12 months and she will never get to see him in it. I am so incredibly sad that she will not witness him growing up, but I certainly rejoice that she was able to meet him.
My heart hurts and feels numb at a time that is normally so sweet and wonderful. I thank God for the little boy in my home who causes me to still smile everyday in the midst of our family’s loss. It does not feel real that she is gone and some days I feel like I’m waiting on a text, or that I’ll see her swinging on her back porch as I look out on my front porch.
There are so many more memories I could share. I could probably write an entire novel series from all the time we spent together. I thought I would have more of it, but I am so blessed with the time we did get to have with her.
I only find comfort in knowing she is in Heaven with Jesus. She shared her testimony with me several times in our long talks, and I know without a doubt Mawmaw is walking the streets of gold, no longer chained to a body where she was hurting on earth. As we were gathering pictures and Scripture for her memorial service, she had this one written in the front of her Bible:
“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” -John 16:22
I am so grateful for parents and grandparents who taught me about Jesus and that because of His sacrifice on the cross for all of our sins, my belief in Him will not only allow me to reunite with my sweet mawmaw in Heaven, but to live eternally with our Savior. Praise God!!
Mirror, Mirror 