I’ve been tapped out lately. Energy, commitments, the never ending saga of dramatic events occurring in the past few months, and these last few weeks of pregnancy before our baby arrives. I have been so thankful for the cooler weather that appeared with September. It has been a beautiful month so far, and with the cooler weather, my calm has returned it seems. I’ve had more moments of rest and still been able to be productive.
We are still making headway on all the things we need to get done before we become a family of three, and while it still may be a toss up if all is finished in time, I am grateful for the progress made so far.
It has been a fight for quality time as husband and wife. We are constantly pulled in different directions while I prepare mostly for baby and he works on getting the house ready for us to move. There isn’t much time for togetherness and we have been racing against the clock. When other commitments-church, work, and whatever else thrown our way- pop up, the burden and divide only increase. For a while it has been a worry if we will ever get back to a regular routine and not just be in a roommate phase. With the baby coming, we have no idea how things will change for us as a couple. I panic a little bit when I hear of any future events where he might need to be away from me and the baby for whatever duty or commitment that hits.
Through this struggle, I’ve prayed a lot. I’ve also cried a lot. More than I really care to admit to be honest. I’ve felt selfish, exhausted, and just so lonely. Even with the logical part of my brain telling me how loved I am by God, my husband, my family and friends, I’ve been in a very dry season. I also hadn’t really talked about how I had been feeling much with anyone besides God and my husband, and not much has changed. I opened up to a close friend one night, and got a huge blessing when I came home that night. Daniel finished with his tasks and was able to go over some of the baby things he needed to familiarize himself with before little man gets here. It was just what I needed and I immediately texted my friend about how good God is and how He does answer prayers!
The incident also reminded me that even though I felt embarrassed to explain how irrational I have been feeling to my friend, it was also what I needed as a reminder of how not alone I am. God put people in my life for a reason so I would have community, especially in the dry seasons of life.
Another moment I’ve been able to cherish lately is this past weekend. Even though we were both tired, Daniel and I both made a last minute decision to go see the late showing of the new Kendrick brothers’ movie, The Forge. Normally, I am done for the day by 8PM, but we ventured out for the 9:15PM showing and even though I did yawn a few times in the theater, I am so glad we went.
I had heard it was really good, and we had been meaning to go see it for a few weeks, but the timing just wasn’t working. I also had an idea of what it was about, a teenage boy, so I wasn’t feeling a big push to go see it because even though I figured it would be good, I wasn’t sure how much I would get out of it.
Boy, was I wrong. Not only is the gospel presented beautifully, but the film speaks to all believers and how to disciple other young believers while demonstrating the power of prayer. It was what I needed to hear as a youth leader of boys, a soon-to-be-mom of a little boy, and even a co-worker. The workplace atmosphere in the film was so timely as well as our family business was getting ready to celebrate 40 years as a company. It made me think how I can be a better witness even at my day job.
While I got so much out of the movie as a female, it really speaks to Christian men as well. The impact of fellowship and brotherhood in Christ displayed in the film left both of us wishing we had groups like that more around in the community. So much has been impacted over the years and the groups we grew up with-youth group, GAs, RAs, WMU, Brotherhood- has kind of gone by the wayside. There aren’t enough people who want to be involved and committed anymore. Attendance at church has dwindled and we have been racking our brains on how to get more kids coming to youth.
I don’t have any solutions and ideas about it all right now besides prayer and a hope that movies like The Forge will stir hearts to come together and make a difference so believers will stand united and be able to fight back against the evil in this world. In the meantime, I’m going to find joy in the little and big blessings sent my way, and cling to them while in my struggles.
I’ll close this post with the Scripture from my devotion this morning:
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put and end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of your works.” -Psalm 73: 25-28
In my dry seasons, I am thankful God is there and my refuge during my struggles.
Mirror, Mirror 