It’s been a full month where the events just kept on coming like a constant downpour. I planned to write at least twice, but it just didn’t happen with how busy this month has been.
We celebrated our wedding anniversary, spent weeks preparing for a school production I was directing, delivered that production in one weekend, and then I was honored to be a bridesmaid for a very dear friend . Even though all these things were wonderful, this month left very little time to rest and relax.
In the in-between moments of all the events, I also struggled with the changes I’ve had to make room for (literally and figuratively) as my body adapts in pregnancy. The logical part of my brain knows the changes are for a huge blessing, but the tightening clothes, increase of diet, and a growing decline of comfortability has been harder than anticipated. It’s getting more difficult to remember the last full night of rest I received too.
The other unexpected differences I’ve noticed this past month not only took me by surprise, but have left me with a mix of emotions. I am used to being a productive woman, knocking items left and right off my to-do list. Now I struggle with going to the store once a week. I may very well have nodded off in a grocery aisle at some point this month too. I did notice I gained a little energy boost with the second trimester, but my typical calendar still needed more than just that boost to get it all done.
The act of sitting up, or trying to roll out of bed is an adventure too. Back and hip pain levels spike up and down depending on the amount of tossing and turning I experienced the night before. I try to stay moderately active exercise-wise, but I have not been able to get back to what I use to do before getting pregnant. At the wedding, I quickly realized I cannot get as low as I used to on the dance floor. My dancing days are much more limited now.
I also have to think twice before lifting something heavy by myself, or climbing up on chairs or cabinets to reach something. Making sure I eat regularly and decently now requires way more thought than it used to. Some days I went until 2 or 3PM until I finally sit down to eat lunch, but now if I did that, I’m feeling sick and dizzy. And of course the things I really rather eat, are highly recommended not to be consumed while baby is growing. I just really miss sushi. And the caffeine I used to consume daily.
It has been a learning curve to say the least. And I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing or what to do when the baby actually arrives this fall. My time to get prepared keeps shrinking too.
I go back and forth reading literature advising to give myself grace, my body is hard at work growing a human, do this or don’t do that, etc. etc. etc. But I also get frustrated at times because I can’t do all the things I used to. Some people think I should do less while others think I should be doing more than I am. It’s very much this constant back and forth, tug of war type of thinking, which probably takes up more space than it should because I already have brain fog and struggle to remember things now.
Don’t even get me started on the expense of everything related to pregnancy, birth, and all things baby. If I don’t take it all in bite size increments, I get too overwhelmed and shut down emotionally and physically for a bit.
While my brain is not operating like I’m used to it doing during this season, I’m also trying to take in all the moments that make me smile and excite me for all the change to continue to come. So while my cup has been overflowing with activities, busyness, and constant change, it also runs over with many blessings, such as a surprise baby shower from sweet students.
Another one to end this month on is I got to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time today. That was a very big moment and a big encouragement to quiet the anxiety that tries to swirl around in my mind. Thank you, Jesus!
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.” -1 Samuel 1:27
Mirror, Mirror 